I only recently really grasped the true understanding of the fluidity of friendships.
Let me explain..
I was having a conversation with my sister about a particular old friend who had recently gone to ground. Yup, she just disappeared.
I do know she’s alive and well (yay fb) but has rejected any further contact with me.
At first I was hurt. Offended. Angry even. The images of all we’d been through together would float through my mind and I’d feel sad. It was a loss.
In my younger years I believed friendship came with responsibilities and expectations. It was a role performed and reciprocated by both parties. Give and take was key.
In those years I was a “giver” (not in the healthy sense). And I kept score.
If I gave, then I expected in return. 50/50 all the way.
And as with any situation where we’re attached to a certain outcome – I was often disappointed.
And I took it personally.
And that’s not to say I had bad friends. Absolutely not! They were (are) delightful people. It was my NEEDING in return that was wonky. But what did I know. Back then I always reached outside of myself for validation. It was how I rolled.
Years have passed and I’ve learned to validate myself. To feel good first. It’s inside/out remember?
And with that I’ve noticed that the need to cling to friends has diminished. Without realizing I have stopped keeping score. Specific roles have fallen away and I’ve found myself just enjoying a friend’s company in the moment. No agendas. No expectations. No ownership.
Our conversation has also shifted from drama to common interest.
Naturally, I’ve noticed that some friendships have simply ceased. Quite simply, we’ve nothing left in common. It’s not personal, just an ending. Yet one with gratitude for the journey taken and experiences shared.
At the same time, new friendships have blossomed. With like-minded souls. And no expectations. At all.
But I digress..
So, getting back to my vanishing friend mentioned earlier in this rather long-winded musing, I’ve realised that it’s never about what you’ve been through in the past. Or how much you used to have in common.
All that matters is where you’re at NOW.
Over time I’ve realized how much we’ve both changed. In both interests and values. And, in fact, a lot of the time we simply made contact out of habit. Or obligation.
In truth (and once I get around my ego), I’ve never really missed the friendship. Only the IDEA of it. The habit of it.
We’ve both moved on. Different pages. That’s all.
So here’s the thing:
People come. People go.
Sometimes friendships are long and adventurous. And sometimes they’re just fleeting.
It’s fluid. Like everything in life.
And when we ALLOW it, we feel ease. And flow.
If we grasp and cling, we feel lack. And stagnation.
It really is a simple choice.