The subject of co-dependency has been popping up in my universe quite frequently of late. Mostly in conversations with clients.
It’s inspired a blog post. You lucky people..
Now for any of you who have ever found yourself enmeshed (such a lovely word!) in a co-dependent relationship, you’ll agree that it can be a very grey area.
And by that I mean we often can’t see where we begin and our co-dependent ‘other’ ends. It all becomes a mish-mash of ‘us’.
Which is not all bad. In fact, it can be awesome!
So what’s the rule? How do we know if we’re co-dependent?
I can sum it up in one simple word: NEED (or not).
Let me elaborate… (and yes, I’m going to use an analogy).
We eat our main meal as a form of sustenance. It provides fuel to keep us alive. As an added bonus, it’s also a pleasant experience (assuming you like your food) and an opportunity to bond and/or socialise. Yay!
But the point I’m making here is that we NEED our main meal. Our lives would suffer (or could end) without it.
Pudding (aka dessert) on the other hand, is a nice-to-have. It’s a yummy optional. A decadent way to round off the event. The proverbial cherry on the top.
Pudding is not a requirement. Nor does it sustain our lives. Yet when we have it, we always choose something we like/love/desire. If we don’t like the options, we simply pass…
You can see where I’m going with this, right?
In a co-dependent scenario, our partner is our main meal. We believe life would proverbially end (or be severely compromised) without them. They’re the source of our happiness/stability/security.
Quite simply, we NEED them.
Now imagine your partner as your pudding (cherry and all..).
Someone you CHOOSE to be with. Because they’re yummy.
And you know that ultimately, if they weren’t around, your life would be less fun and decadent.
Yet you’d still be ok. Good even…
Feels better, right?
Co-dependency is rooted in fear. Always.
In this space we give away our control over feeling good.
Our happiness becomes dependent on something outside of ourselves. A definite no-no..
So which do you resonate with?
The main meal? Or the pudding? I know which I prefer..