The Problem with FORCED POSITIVITY..
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It’s a phrase that popped into a conversation I was having with my darling daughter a few days ago.
The act of forcing yourself to see “the bright side” in the face of feeling miserable.
Nothing new, I know, but the phrase stayed with me. And got me pondering.
Now I’ll be the first to admit that there was a significant part of my life dedicated to this practice. Yup, I firmly believed that we could fake it ’till we make it.
That if we plastered a smile over our misery, we’d feel better. Eventually.
But you know what? I never did. Nope, if nothing else, pretending to be happy left me feeling like a fraud.
Which of course got me believing that I was somehow doing it wrong. That I was a failure.
Yup, another vicious circle of doom…
Back then, like many people, I believed that feeling bad or uncomfortable was something to avoid. I believed that if I was unhappy, it meant I was wrong. That I needed fixing.
And worst of all, I believed that it was all my own fault.
Woah! That’s a huge heap of crap to carry around, right?
Over time, I came to understand things a little differently.
I learned that ALL feelings and emotions have VALUE. Which is why we were born with them in the first place.
I learned that when we step into our absolute authentic selves, we have no choice but to accept and appreciate each and every one of our feelings and emotions.
Forced Positivity is born in inauthenticity. It’s trying to feel something that you’re not.
And it stems from the fear of feeling bad.
And I ask you, how can anything be POSITIVE (or feel good) when it’s based in fear..?
Yet when we accept ourselves in all of our glorious human’ness, and let whatever feelings that show up simply flow through us (WITHOUT JUDGEMENT), the experience transforms. Completely.
And as the energy dissipates (and it will), we can choose to look at what fear lies beneath the discomfort.
Because any low emotional state is always triggered by fear. Always.
Identifying and understanding those fears allows us to release them and gradually downgrade the triggers. If we choose to.
Quite simply, it boils down to this:
Feeling emotion is human. It’s what we signed up for, right?
When we ACCEPT that in ourselves, we let go of resistance.
And we’re able to tap into our true state of authenticity. However that feels.
That’s what I choose..