I, like many of you, was taught from a very young age that we live in a world of “lack”.
We don’t really, but that was the perception of my parents, which became my perception too because, well, I didn’t really know any better, did I.
My parents didn’t know any better either. They were simply projecting exactly what they were taught. Which is that “money doesn’t grow on trees” (remember that one?) and that wanting “more” is greedy.
Yup, lots to unpack there.. But let me not digress.
My journey through lack (or “pauper-brain” as I like to refer to it) over the last few decades has allowed me to slowly shift my belief system to accommodate a perspective of moderate abundance (yup, I’m a work-in-progress).
Which means that every now and then a little bit of pb sneaks in and trips me up.
Which is what happened recently…
Let me explain.
One of the more amusing side-effects of being a recovering pb (pauper-brain) is that I like to keep back-up stock of the consumables that I deem important. It’s borne of the fear of not having enough.
That translates into a full grocery cupboard, fridge and bathroom cabinet. Yay!
I also almost always have a shiny new pair of trail-running shoes on standby (a VERY important consumable!).
Now don’t think for one minute that having all this abundance makes me in any way extravagant. Nope, quite the opposite. I’ll run in each pair of shoes until they are literally unwearable. By which I mean holes in the uppers and/or very little tread left underneath (recovering pauper-brainers don’t like wastage).
And so it was that as I was finishing my run this past Sunday, I looked down at my aching feet in my tatty shoes (with both baby toes visible) and asked myself “WHY?”
Am I not deserving of comfy new shoes?
To which I yelled (internally) YES dammit! SOOO deserving..!
And just like that, I saw (really saw) the pb mentality sneaking up on me. Again.
Needless to say, Monday saw me bounding along the single track in my new shoes, with feet feeling like they were running on marshmallows.
As it should be.
My takeaway from this?
Well, I know that my pb-programming runs deep. I accept that as part of what I’ve chosen for this life journey.
Which means that abundance “re-wiring” is an ongoing process.
And as long as I’m still noticing and shifting my own pb-limitations as and when they show up, then I know I’m heading exactly where I want to go.
And that’s enough.