The Illusion of Home..
As an adult I’ve always considered my home as my sanctuary. My safe place.
And by home I’m referring to the brick and mortar construction that I owned (ok, the bank owned a fair share too..)
In rocky times it was what I clung desperately to.
It was where I could hide away and stop the hurt and humiliation of life during tough times.
It was where I where could let down my defenses and allow myself to just be me.
It defined me as financially okay during times of financial strain. After all, if I still “owned” a house I was okay.. Wasn’t I..?
In a world of (perceived) endless external threats, I never considered a time when I would CHOOSE to unburden myself from this place of safety. If I sold my house it would only ever be an absolute last resort. A desperate move.
It would be like tearing off a limb and walking naked down the street.
A year ago that was my position.
Fast forward 6 months and I surprised – no – shocked myself by actually allowing the possibility of selling up to filter through my once-resistant thoughts. I felt shudders of uncertainty and my logical brain shrieked in horror!
Over the previous months certain events had led to some soul-searching and my thoughts had started shifting. I was exploring new ideas and uncovering parts of myself I’d thought long-lost. My life was expanding and new opportunities were opening up.
I wanted change.
So I leaned into those feelings of resistance, embraced the concept of selling and instead of thinking “what if it’s awful?” I starting thinking “what if it’s not?”
I waited for those familiar feelings of insecurity that always emerged at any thoughts of losing my home to arrive.
Wow! This was new.
What if I wouldn’t be losing my home, instead I’d be letting it go..
Slowly, a new realm of possibilities started opening up in my mind. All of the places I could live! I could be free of debt for the first time since my late teens!
Total and utter uncompromising freedom.
It’s my dream. It’s what I’ve yearned for at soul level.
By unshackling the one thing that kept me anchored I could realise my dream.
And I did.
They say that when things are meant to be they move quickly. Well the sale of my house moved VERY quickly indeed! It sold within 48 hours and for the full asking price..!
It was confirmation.
My new place of dwelling also materialized quickly.
No, I don’t own it. And I don’t want to.
What has changed? The difference this time is that I claim my security internally. I know I can find all the support, love, solace and joy within myself. I’m my own best friend and I alone can take care of me. Completely.
My new-found freedom means that I am able to follow my heart to whatever new and exhilarating places it wishes to take me. Unshackled and unburdened.
I love the adventure of new surroundings and people. Exciting sounds, smells and the wonder knowing that anything is possible.
So what is home to me now?
Home is a FEELING not a place.
The awe in the beauty of my surroundings. The love of those close to me. The familiar feeling of anticipation at the start of every day. The exhilaration of uncertainty.
And that is something I can have anywhere. No bricks, no mortar.
And I own it.