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If you could describe yourself with one adjective, what would it be?
For me? Right now? That adjective is INTENSE.
Yup, it describes me quite well actually.
Now, whilst most people would cringe at being described as intense, for me it’s a perfect fit.
Well, it’s how I choose to embrace my emotions. INTENSELY.
Which is not always comfortable. Nope, not at all.
And I’ll confess, until the later part of my life I despised feeling everything so strongly. Especially the low emotional states. Quite simply, they terrified me.
So as a young adult I did everything in my power to avoid them.
Which included adjusting my views and beliefs so as not to annoy or antagonize those closest to me. I call them my “chameleon” days (for obvious reasons)..
Always adjusting to soothe and placate others.
Avoiding the awful discomfort of conflict at any turn.
And almost completely losing myself in the process.
But this is not a “poor-me” muddle of words on a page..
Quite the contrary.
Because from feeling lack, we’re inspired towards abundance. Right?
So that experience birthed a yearning to really KNOW myself.
And further inspired a deep desire to find the courage to show up AUTHENTICALLY.
To really and truly just be me.
And that’s a journey that continues to this very day in the form of ALLOWING my emotions to flow through me. Not trying to CONTROL them.
ACCEPTING them as simply part of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE. Doing my best not to judge myself when I feel low. KNOWING that there’s value in feeling crappy, even if it’s not apparent in that moment..
Most importantly, I allow myself to show up authentically with others. Even when it makes them uncomfortable. That’s for them to figure out..
So yes, I’m intense.
And I own that.