Every now and then we get an opportunity to “measure” just how far we’ve travelled on this journey of personal expansion.
Interestingly, these opportunities rarely show up in a way that feels safe and comfortable.
Nope, there’s no point in that, right?
The best (and only) way to truthfully observe our growth, is when old triggers appear.
And one of my old heavyweight triggers did exactly that earlier this week.
It involved a financial investment I made over a decade ago.
Which turned sour. Very sour.
Now back then, when I was in the thick of experiencing this particular event, I literally existed in fear.
Fear of loss of income, fear of loss of trust, fear of loss of possessions, I could go on…
But what I remember so vividly was the constant knot of anxiety I carried. It burned, endlessly…
I often lost myself in endless internal tirades of self-judgement.
“Failure, failure, failure..!”
And gosh! Did I blame.. Myself, and the other players.
I dove really deep into victimhood.
That was many moons ago, and I’ve climbed and crested many mountains since.
So when an email related to this past event landed in my inbox a few days ago, re-igniting old and distant triggers, it was with much interest that I got to observe my own reaction and subsequently how I chose to respond.
I won’t bore you with too many details, but suffice to say my reaction in the moment was a very downgraded version of what would have been my frightfully fear-based reaction back then.
Yes, there’s still a chance for conflict as the issue was never fully resolved, but there’s one difference – I’ve changed.
My perspective of the world and our journey through it has changed.
How I see myself in this reality has changed.
And most importantly, my old habit of defaulting to fear-based thinking has also changed.
And that means that I’m more able to allow this to unfold as it will, whilst working through the urge to “control” the outcome (and boy! it’s not easy).
My old fears (listed above) were all based on things I perceived “outside” of myself. They were objects that I relied on for the illusion of “security”.
My current belief system supports my inner world.
Everything I need is there.
This old trigger showing up couldn’t be more perfect.
Well, I get to practice reaching within whenever I notice those old fears nudging me. Responding from the heart instead of reacting in fear.
I get to observe just how far I’ve travelled on my own journey of self-discovery and expansion.
And I get to embody that the ONLY person that creates anything in my reality (pleasant or not), is ME.