A client recently shared her concern over her daughter who was feeling decidedly fearful about life in general.
Like many other young adults, she felt the weight of the current world dynamics resting on her shoulders and was feeling rather overwhelmed.
My client was grappling with the internal conflict of knowing that her daughter was on her own journey of self-discovery and that there was nothing inherently wrong with her but that as her mom she felt a strong compulsion to help or “fix” her.
I could relate.
I’ve had many instances in my own daughters life when she’s been feeling emotional pain and conflict and I’ve desperately wanted to weigh in and offer my solutions – which, of course, at the time I believed would magically solve all her problems.
And that’s the bit that can so easily trip us up when it comes to the people we love being uncomfortable.
We want them to thrive and be happy because then WE can thrive and be happy. It’s not easy to feel okay when our loved ones don’t, right?
In my own life journey, it’s been the tough experiences that I’ve navigated alone that have been the most valuable. To be honest, I definitely didn’t feel that in the moment, but over time I’ve always looked back and seen just how much each and every one of those events has added to my growth and expansion.
It’s these challenging experiences that teach us skills on how to navigate the next challenge with more confidence in our own choices and abilities.
What I believe is the most important aspect here, is that when we judge someone’s situation as “wrong” and feel the desire to jump in and fix it, what we actually need to do is take a step back and notice that we’re being triggered by this event. And THAT’S what we need to explore..
Why don’t we believe they can figure this out themselves?
Why are we uncomfortable when they’re uncomfortable?
Why am I judging this as “wrong”?
If we can sort through these thoughts and pinpoint our own limiting beliefs, then we’re on the right track.
Allowing loved ones to walk their own paths – even through difficult times – is always a challenge.
But it’s also the best gift you can give anyone.
Holding your own alignment means that you get to show up to bear witness and support them as the best version of yourself.
Which is (maybe) exactly how it was intended…